Finally a new entry...

The other day in the movie theater I came to a new understanding about God...

I watched Evan Almighty. There was a profound part in the movie where God is talking to Evan's wife. He says something like - When you ask for patience, does God just give you patience or does He give you an opportunity to be patient? - On a bigger scale: when you pray to change the world, do you all of a sudden become someone great? Or does God give you opportunities to make a difference?

This realization struck home. It parallels what God is teaching me. At the beginning of my first year of Elevate at HPC I started praying hard for humility. When I first started praying I was fearful that God would cause embarrassing things to happen to me: like I would fall on my face in front of tons of people or something. But, against my silly fears I prayed for humility. However, lately as I've come to face the reality and the strength of my pride I've realized something! The Bible never says to "pray for humilty." It does clearly say, humble yourself (Col.3:12). All this time I've been asking God to do something He has promised ME the right to do. I've tried to take the easy way out by asking Him to do the hard work. But I must be the one to choose, in moments of extreme frustration, to be humble. I must choose in the moments where my pride tries to control my emotions, to be humble. In essence, I must choose to die to my flesh. I must choose to walk by the Spirit. God has given me free will and He will not infringe upon that even if I ask Him. Out of sheer love for Him, I must reject myself - no matter the pain - and trust Him. No matter how "spiritually ideal" this process sounds - I assure you, it's not pretty. It is a gruesome fight. A fight that reminds me of Jacob (Gen. 32). One that must be fought with the strength of the Holy Spirit. It is a daily fight. At times, a moment by moment battle. But, it is a fight I must choose to engage in no matter the cost, no matter the injury. It is a fight we all must fight if we desire to know Him more intimately.